Author Topic: Dear Polly and the mushroom allergy.  (Read 339 times)

Offline Poesie

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Dear Polly and the mushroom allergy.
« on: August 07, 2019, 07:51:34 pm »
Hadnít read Dear Polly before. Her response to this letter writer whose in-laws deliberately serve her a life-threatening allergen (mushrooms) at every meal is hilarious. The in-laws are the champignons of sociopathic level passive aggression.

https://www.thecut.com/amp/2019/08/ask-polly-my-in-laws-are-careless-about-my-food-allergy.html

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Offline Pandorica

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Re: Dear Polly and the mushroom allergy.
« Reply #1 on: August 07, 2019, 11:52:31 pm »
What gets me is that mushrooms weren't a common dish for that family before the OP came into the picture.  These in-laws sound particularly horrible.
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Offline Poesie

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Re: Dear Polly and the mushroom allergy.
« Reply #2 on: August 08, 2019, 07:39:40 am »
What gets me is that mushrooms weren't a common dish for that family before the OP came into the picture.  These in-laws sound particularly horrible.

Yeah, it ratchets it up several levels beyond the merely dysfunctional, doesnít it.

Offline lowspark

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Re: Dear Polly and the mushroom allergy.
« Reply #3 on: August 08, 2019, 10:30:41 am »
Why would someone do this? They have deliberately alienated their son AND their grandchildren. I've never understood people who do that.

The in-laws are the champignons of sociopathic level passive aggression.

I see what you did there.  ;D
Houston 
Texas 
USA 

Offline Poesie

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Re: Dear Polly and the mushroom allergy.
« Reply #4 on: August 08, 2019, 10:51:46 pm »
lowspark, hehe wondered if anyone would spot that.  ;D

Offline Athersgeo

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Re: Dear Polly and the mushroom allergy.
« Reply #5 on: August 09, 2019, 08:08:29 am »
Why would someone do this? They have deliberately alienated their son AND their grandchildren. I've never understood people who do that.

It's not a huge leap to think that there's something about the girlfriend/wife that the family don't like and what they were hoping was that by alienating her, their son (the boyfriend/husband) would drop her like a hot rock.

What they didn't count on was boyfriend/husband sticking up for girlfriend/wife and taking her side.

My personal suspicion is that whatever it is they don't like, it's something relatively minor (tattooes or piercings, perhaps - or maybe just the fact that she has an allergy?) as opposed to major (race, religion) because the latter is likely something the husband would have had an idea about ahead of time.
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Offline Kiwi Cupcake

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Re: Dear Polly and the mushroom allergy.
« Reply #6 on: August 09, 2019, 12:28:07 pm »
I can understand disliking someone but attempted murder?! Because yes, murder is what this is. Mushroom powder?! That's hidden unlike sliced mushrooms which are obvious and can be avoided. I hope the OP never attempt to forgive them and expose her children to such evil.
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Offline lowspark

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Re: Dear Polly and the mushroom allergy.
« Reply #7 on: August 13, 2019, 12:52:45 pm »
Why would someone do this? They have deliberately alienated their son AND their grandchildren. I've never understood people who do that.

It's not a huge leap to think that there's something about the girlfriend/wife that the family don't like and what they were hoping was that by alienating her, their son (the boyfriend/husband) would drop her like a hot rock.

What they didn't count on was boyfriend/husband sticking up for girlfriend/wife and taking her side.

My personal suspicion is that whatever it is they don't like, it's something relatively minor (tattooes or piercings, perhaps - or maybe just the fact that she has an allergy?) as opposed to major (race, religion) because the latter is likely something the husband would have had an idea about ahead of time.

I get that some people do that, specifically try to alienate their offspring's romantic choice in hopes that they will cling to their parents instead of their spouse/partner/whatever.  What I can't connect with is the philosophy of that. I mean, it might work sometimes, but mostly not. It's awful risky and usually just ends up alienating the offspring as well.

But even then, even if someone tries this and it backfires, why wouldn't they immediately back off and apologize? Is it really better to lose all contact with your child than to go ahead and grin and bear it and accept the mate?
Houston 
Texas 
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Offline Athersgeo

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Re: Dear Polly and the mushroom allergy.
« Reply #8 on: August 14, 2019, 03:56:57 am »
Why would someone do this? They have deliberately alienated their son AND their grandchildren. I've never understood people who do that.

It's not a huge leap to think that there's something about the girlfriend/wife that the family don't like and what they were hoping was that by alienating her, their son (the boyfriend/husband) would drop her like a hot rock.

What they didn't count on was boyfriend/husband sticking up for girlfriend/wife and taking her side.

My personal suspicion is that whatever it is they don't like, it's something relatively minor (tattooes or piercings, perhaps - or maybe just the fact that she has an allergy?) as opposed to major (race, religion) because the latter is likely something the husband would have had an idea about ahead of time.

I get that some people do that, specifically try to alienate their offspring's romantic choice in hopes that they will cling to their parents instead of their spouse/partner/whatever.  What I can't connect with is the philosophy of that. I mean, it might work sometimes, but mostly not. It's awful risky and usually just ends up alienating the offspring as well.

But even then, even if someone tries this and it backfires, why wouldn't they immediately back off and apologize? Is it really better to lose all contact with your child than to go ahead and grin and bear it and accept the mate?

The problem with apologies in this sort of situation is that they mean admitting you were doing something deliberate in the first place. The sort of person who thinks this is an appropriate course of action is really going to struggle to admit that they were flat out trying to murder someone to get them to go away!

And, of course, there is the strong possibility (as "Polly" speculates) that this isn't a unilateral thing but it's all coming from one source and that when that source goes away/is removed from the dynamic things might very well improve. Though in this case, I don't think that's a chance I'd be taking.