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Author Topic: Good table manners - what dos and don’ts were you taught?  (Read 803 times)

Offline Amara

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Re: Good table manners - what dos and don’ts were you taught?
« Reply #15 on: November 28, 2018, 12:26:12 pm »
I'll join you in your grapefruit passion but make mine the white one, please.
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Offline cayenne

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Re: Good table manners - what dos and don’ts were you taught?
« Reply #16 on: November 30, 2018, 01:34:54 am »
Growing up I was taught some basic good manners, nothing fancy:
Elbows off the table.
Keep your mouth closed when chewing, and don't speak with food in your mouth.
Don't take seconds until everyone has had firsts, and don't take the last of whatever it is.
Don't criticise the food.
Never eject chewed food back onto your plate. Hide it in a napkin.
If you're too full to clean your plate then you are too full for dessert, too bad!
Eat what you are given, but my parents were kind and didn't serve us things if we absolutely hated them. The exception was fish sticks. We were a Catholic family and perhaps ironically, I loathe fish. One memorable Friday I and my siblings had a huge fight about my "right" to take more than my fair share of tartar sauce so I could bury the taste of my fish sticks. (I didn't win the fight.)
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guest121

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Re: Good table manners - what dos and don’ts were you taught?
« Reply #17 on: November 30, 2018, 12:43:58 pm »
Quote from: cayenne on November 30, 2018, 01:34:54 am
Growing up I was taught some basic good manners, nothing fancy:
Elbows off the table.
Keep your mouth closed when chewing, and don't speak with food in your mouth.
Don't take seconds until everyone has had firsts, and don't take the last of whatever it is.
Don't criticise the food.
Never eject chewed food back onto your plate. Hide it in a napkin.
If you're too full to clean your plate then you are too full for dessert, too bad!
Eat what you are given, but my parents were kind and didn't serve us things if we absolutely hated them. The exception was fish sticks. We were a Catholic family and perhaps ironically, I loathe fish. One memorable Friday I and my siblings had a huge fight about my "right" to take more than my fair share of tartar sauce so I could bury the taste of my fish sticks. (I didn't win the fight.)


That brings up a question I had about the old Catholic fish-on-Friday tradition. I thought the purpose of it was to just fast from meat on Friday, and fish was an allowed substitute. Would just eating vegetarian be within-bounds? Or is there some significance to actually eating the fish?
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Offline GloryAndCrumpets

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Re: Good table manners - what dos and don’ts were you taught?
« Reply #18 on: December 01, 2018, 06:06:53 pm »
Quote from: CautiouslyOptimistic on November 30, 2018, 12:43:58 pm
Quote from: cayenne on November 30, 2018, 01:34:54 am
Growing up I was taught some basic good manners, nothing fancy:
Elbows off the table.
Keep your mouth closed when chewing, and don't speak with food in your mouth.
Don't take seconds until everyone has had firsts, and don't take the last of whatever it is.
Don't criticise the food.
Never eject chewed food back onto your plate. Hide it in a napkin.
If you're too full to clean your plate then you are too full for dessert, too bad!
Eat what you are given, but my parents were kind and didn't serve us things if we absolutely hated them. The exception was fish sticks. We were a Catholic family and perhaps ironically, I loathe fish. One memorable Friday I and my siblings had a huge fight about my "right" to take more than my fair share of tartar sauce so I could bury the taste of my fish sticks. (I didn't win the fight.)


That brings up a question I had about the old Catholic fish-on-Friday tradition. I thought the purpose of it was to just fast from meat on Friday, and fish was an allowed substitute. Would just eating vegetarian be within-bounds? Or is there some significance to actually eating the fish?

Nope, there's no requirement to eat fish, just the one to abstain from meat. So eating vegetarian would be totally fine.
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Offline Hotblack Desiato

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Re: Good table manners - what dos and don’ts were you taught?
« Reply #19 on: January 21, 2019, 06:38:34 am »
Some of this is cultural as well. For example, the etiquette rule of only using one hand to eat as referred to above, does not apply in the UK as far as I am aware. Here a right-handed person will have their knife in their right hand and their fork in their left and use both for the whole meal. My understanding of the US rule is that the knife is used to cut (using the dominant hand) and is then put down, and the fork then  switched to that hand, leaving one hand free. In my experience, that would be very unusual in the UK.
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Offline JXB1000

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Re: Good table manners - what dos and don’ts were you taught?
« Reply #20 on: January 22, 2019, 05:23:57 pm »
I was brought up with most of these rules as we had a fairly formal household when it came to dinner.  There are two that are hard for me: 1) Although I know the proper way to eat soup (scooping AWAY from you), I could never get that to feel natural.  2) Now, in restaurants and such, you often only have one set of flatware, all of which has to be retained from course to course, but there's no place to set the used pieces in when plates removed.  I try to have an extra beverage napkin but it's not always possible. Or I may rest my used knife on my unused spoon.

Once I got married, my husband - although raised similarly - wanted a much more relaxed style of dining in our house.  Felt many of those so-called rules were unnecessary and absurd.  I tried for compromise, informal eating most of the time but formal once a week - just to make sure everyone could follow the basic rules.  Never could pull it off.  You can imagine whose style the kids followed! My husband and both (adult) kids are HORRIBLE about scooping the last bits of food onto a fork with their fingers. Makes me cringe.  But they do manage the basics - not talking while chewing, using correct silverware, etc.
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Offline GloryAndCrumpets

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Re: Good table manners - what dos and don’ts were you taught?
« Reply #21 on: January 26, 2019, 10:34:36 am »
Quote from: Hotblack Desiato on January 21, 2019, 06:38:34 am
Some of this is cultural as well. For example, the etiquette rule of only using one hand to eat as referred to above, does not apply in the UK as far as I am aware. Here a right-handed person will have their knife in their right hand and their fork in their left and use both for the whole meal. My understanding of the US rule is that the knife is used to cut (using the dominant hand) and is then put down, and the fork then  switched to that hand, leaving one hand free. In my experience, that would be very unusual in the UK.

I'm in the US, but I never understood that "eat with one hand" rule. It's so inefficient!
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guest121

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Re: Good table manners - what dos and don’ts were you taught?
« Reply #22 on: January 26, 2019, 02:20:09 pm »
Quote from: GloryAndCrumpets on January 26, 2019, 10:34:36 am
Quote from: Hotblack Desiato on January 21, 2019, 06:38:34 am
Some of this is cultural as well. For example, the etiquette rule of only using one hand to eat as referred to above, does not apply in the UK as far as I am aware. Here a right-handed person will have their knife in their right hand and their fork in their left and use both for the whole meal. My understanding of the US rule is that the knife is used to cut (using the dominant hand) and is then put down, and the fork then  switched to that hand, leaving one hand free. In my experience, that would be very unusual in the UK.

I'm in the US, but I never understood that "eat with one hand" rule. It's so inefficient!

My understanding is that the inefficiency is deliberate. Because socially speaking, being focused on getting the food down quickly was a sign of poverty or gluttony.

Eating slowly and focusing on conversation was a sign of prosperity, high-mindedness, and higher social class.

(Not that I agree, just that I believe that's the cultural motivation for the style).
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Offline cayenne

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Re: Good table manners - what dos and don’ts were you taught?
« Reply #23 on: January 27, 2019, 09:46:31 pm »
Quote from: CautiouslyOptimistic on January 26, 2019, 02:20:09 pm
Quote from: GloryAndCrumpets on January 26, 2019, 10:34:36 am
Quote from: Hotblack Desiato on January 21, 2019, 06:38:34 am
Some of this is cultural as well. For example, the etiquette rule of only using one hand to eat as referred to above, does not apply in the UK as far as I am aware. Here a right-handed person will have their knife in their right hand and their fork in their left and use both for the whole meal. My understanding of the US rule is that the knife is used to cut (using the dominant hand) and is then put down, and the fork then  switched to that hand, leaving one hand free. In my experience, that would be very unusual in the UK.

I'm in the US, but I never understood that "eat with one hand" rule. It's so inefficient!

My understanding is that the inefficiency is deliberate. Because socially speaking, being focused on getting the food down quickly was a sign of poverty or gluttony.

Eating slowly and focusing on conversation was a sign of prosperity, high-mindedness, and higher social class.

(Not that I agree, just that I believe that's the cultural motivation for the style).

Miss Manners has said that the American way is more inefficient and therefore more refined, but I think she meant that tongue in cheek. I confess that I used to view using two hands as gluttony, but I changed my attitude when I learned that in other cultures it's the norm.
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Offline Lynn2000

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Re: Good table manners - what dos and don’ts were you taught?
« Reply #24 on: January 28, 2019, 10:08:00 am »
As an American, I default to eating with primarily one hand, but I don't ascribe any particular value or reason to it. It's just the way I'm used to doing it. Sometimes I try to use two hands (like a knife in my right cutting a piece of steak, and a fork in my left spearing the bite to eat) but I find it awkward just because I'm not used to it, and if I don't concentrate I fall back on what I'm used to.

I wouldn't correct anyone for using two hands. You look greedy if you are shoveling food into your mouth, making a mess, ignoring people in favor of eating, grabbing all the bread before others can have some, taking thirds before everyone has gotten firsts, commenting on the inadequacy of the food (if it's provided by someone else), etc.. But I don't think someone sitting there, conversing with others and moving neatly at a moderate speed would look greedy, whether they are using one hand or two.
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guest121

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Re: Good table manners - what dos and don’ts were you taught?
« Reply #25 on: January 28, 2019, 10:31:43 am »
No, I don't think it's inherently greedy either.

I was just talking about the historical/cultural origins of the practice.
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Offline Cushy Butterfield

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Re: Good table manners - what dos and don’ts were you taught?
« Reply #26 on: February 24, 2019, 09:37:17 pm »
I learned a lot of my table manners at Girl Scout camp. My parents were not sticklers; they enforced obvious things like not chewing open-mouthed or talking with mouth full, but they thought it was silly to always pass the salt and pepper together if the person requesting only wanted the salt, or to pass the whole basket of rolls instead of just handing someone a single roll. Elbows off the table, salt and pepper together ("They have to stay together because they're married!" was the Girl Scout mantra) and other such refinements I learned in the camp dining hall.

Napkin in the lap remains useless to me to this day. For one thing, unless I have a waistband to tuck it into (and that doesn't exist when one is wearing a dress), it's going to fall off. For another, it does nothing to keep food off my clothes. I am a well-endowed, plus-size woman, and if food is going to land on me, it's not going to land on my lap. I can't bring myself to tuck a napkin into my collar like a baby bib, so I rely on bending over the table when I'm eating messy food, or Lestoil (best thing for grease stains ever) when that doesn't work.
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