Polite Paradise

I forgot to put in my grocery order Thursday night, so I did it Friday morning instead, which was fine. They are back to claiming one or two-hour delivery anyway. I had it delivered Friday night. The woman was able to call me from the panel by the door with no problem, then she came to my apt and handed me a couple bags. I was thinking, hmm, this doesn't seem like as much as I ordered, but sometimes it's hard to tell. I started to look inside and--it was the wrong stuff! For the record, someone was ordering a LOT of hot dogs and condiments! I grabbed my door and called down hall, "Hang on, this isn't mine!" She was waiting by the elevator so she came back and took the wrong thing away, then went back to her car and came up with my stuff. She was very apologetic. It didn't bother me, I was just glad I caught her before she disappeared, because it would have been so much more trouble if she had already jogged down the stairs or something. I think I wouldn't have been able to contact her directly anymore, I might have had to contact the national help line and probably have the goods thrown out and someone else go shopping for my items again. And it would look really bad for her. I wish they would stick around a little bit longer so you can verify you got the right stuff--it's all wrapped up in plastic bags so it could be anything. But they're timed on everything so delays look bad.

DragonKitty, I am surprised they were able to give you the wrong sausage brand, if you are using Instacart. They aren't supposed to be able to change anything without your approval, I thought. At least whenever my shopper has to make a change, I get a notification, and using my phone I go to the website and hit "approve." Or I can click "other options" and choose different products instead, or just get a refund. However, if the customer misses the notification and gives no response, I can see how they might take that as tacit approval, although I think they shouldn't. They are spending someone else's money, after all, and they should try hard to get approval from the person first.

I had another package from Amazon go astray. They claimed they left it in my mailroom, but I've looked all around and it wasn't there. Probably it's in the mailroom of one of the many other apartment buildings around here. I went on Amazon and did the chat, but I think I was just talking to a robot, because I didn't have to type anything, just choose responses from those offered. The robot was immediately like, "Okay, I'll send another one to the same address," and I'm like, okay, yes, that's what I was going for. The time before, I chatted with a person, and although I didn't have to demand or insist they resend the item, I did have to repeat myself a few times--yes, I know they said they delivered it, but it's not here. Yes, I checked there. Yes, I checked there, too. Etc.. I like the robot a lot better! The second copy of the item ended up coming yesterday with some other stuff I had ordered. I expect the original one will turn up eventually.

Then one day this week I happened to be home sick and got a phone call on my landline, and it was someone from Amazon trying to get in to deliver a package to me. Then, while I was talking to him, my cell phone rang from the front door, but I let that run out. I told the guy to call me from the panel by the door, so that rang again, but it was a lady who talked to me. So it was a pair of delivery people, who decided to contact me two different ways at the same time, apparently. When they came to my apt door they seemed nice enough--they had about three packages to deliver (only one for me). But it was just like, who are you that you don't have the official key to get in? (Answer: random people delivering for Amazon as independent contractors, not FedEX etc. employees.) Thank goodness I was home sick, because I probably wouldn't have gotten my stuff right away (which was actually medicine I needed). I really don't like how their answer to their shipping problems is making more work for me.

I think if I worked at it, I could contact Instacart. I called them once before when my shopper completely disappeared. But I don't know that I would do it for something lesser.

This week I ordered my groceries on Thursday evening again, and they were delivered Friday evening (today). The shopper came to my door without having to call me. So, no problems there, full tip and all. I was mildly irritated because I put my delivery window as 6-7pm, and she started shopping shortly after 5pm (I wasn't even home yet) and delivered to me shortly after 5:30pm. I was home, but had just started eating dinner, which I'm usually done with by the time they arrive. But, it wasn't enough of a problem for me to mention it. If I ever thought it would be--like, sometimes I stop and get takeout for dinner on the way home, and some of the restaurants can be very slow--when I got the notification she had started shopping, I would just text back something like, "FYI, I'm not home yet, and may not be until 6pm." Adjust your shopping accordingly. But it was nice to have it over and done with, so I could then enjoy my dinner without keeping an eye on my phone.

So that's something important to note if you use the service. You can specify a delivery window, but they might start shopping at what seems an early time to you--but you can then contact them and tell them you won't be ready until the stated time. I usually get home around 5:15pm, so I would never set the window for 5-6pm, as they might arrive before I do (although it would be easy to let them in if they were waiting there!). I set the window for 6-7pm and have had deliveries at all times within that, from barely after 6pm until almost 7pm--if they are going to be later than 7pm, they are supposed to let me know. Sometimes I get a notice saying things have been delayed and it will be more like 7:45pm before I get my delivery. It's not common but also not unheard-of. I think tonight was the earliest I have ever received my groceries (5:30pm) but one other time I recall was maybe just before 6pm.

The point being that it would be less stressful to plan the delivery when you're going to be at home and free for the evening, in case they are early or late. It would be more trouble for you, really, if you had a really tight schedule that day--like if you were only going to be home between 6pm and 7pm. I don't think you would be out money, as if the delivery will be outside the window you specified, that's their fault and they should take the hit for it. But it would be a pain to call and arrange a refund and then delivery on a different day. You might not be out extra money, but if you were counting on having your stuff that day, now you don't.

On a different but related topic, twice now I have been irritated at UPS for not delivering my packages. They don't have any trouble with the building door; they get inside and all the way up to my apartment door, where they leave a sticky note saying they tried to deliver but I wasn't home. Of course I wasn't home, I work 9-5 and they came in the middle of the afternoon. These packages are not anything special that should require a signature. Their preferred response is to then deliver them to a "UPS Access Point" "near my house" but actually many blocks away. Fortunately, both times I have gotten on their website in time and told them to deliver it to my home again, adding personalized instructions to just leave it in the mail room or at my door (which they did).

I thought that as a Plan B, I could have my dad swing by the Access Point and get my package for me, which he would enjoy doing, but then I got to thinking, would he need the sticky note they left? Would they give the package to someone whose name wasn't on it? Their wording wasn't very clear. The idea would be that I ask him (like over the phone) to pick up this package on his way from his town to mine, so there wouldn't be an opportunity for him to get the sticky note first. And of course if they would only give the package to ME, that rather defeats the point of him getting it FOR me. He could drive me over there but that would not be my preferred way to spend my time. What I read about the Access Point didn't clearly say, only that you had to present an ID to get the package--not that the ID had to MATCH the name on the package. We have the same last name but it's a pretty common one, so I don't know if that would be enough. I mean, I'm glad if they don't give my package out to just anyone, but I would like a way to remotely okay him.

Yeah, I'm so glad for the people who do this job for me, but I think it must be an awful job, at least potentially. I get a lot of females delivering to me and I wonder if they feel safer knowing that they are delivering to another female (at least going by my name). I don't feel unsafe but I do slightly prefer it when a female name comes up as the shopper. At least with something like pizza delivery, you have a store behind you, people you can call who know you, and they are probably also more aware of where you've gone and when you should be back. With something like Instacart you might be tracked, but there's no impetus for people in a call center halfway across the country to wonder why you're taking so long or if anything has happened to you.

I set up this week's order last night on Thursday, and it was delivered Friday evening with no problems. It was a girl I'd had several times before. Someone let her in so she didn't have to mess with the door panel. She had my groceries in two big, insulated bags--she was pulling out bag after bag of my groceries like the insulated bags were clown cars! She said they were really useful, and commented that recently she had carried a case of water up three flights of stairs! At least my building has an elevator. Presumably you can see what sort of thing the person has ordered before you agree to pick it up, but you would have no way of knowing whether their building has an elevator, or potentially even what floor they're on, before making your decision.

However earlier this week I had a minor inconvenience with an Amazon delivery person. They were supposed to deliver a package to me Thursday, but texted that they couldn't figure out how to get into the building. I want my stuff, obviously, but at a certain point I kind of feel like this shouldn't be my problem--companies like FedEx and UPS manage to get in, as I think they have an official agreement with the landlord who has given them a fob or code. Hopefully the landlord is not going to give that to just any random individual who claims they deliver for Amazon as a contractor, literally a guy with some boxes in his car. And then he has trouble getting into the building, duh. It seems like a flawed system. If you want the package you send to end up with me, send it via someone reliable and reputable. Plus, I responded to the text right away, telling them to type in my code by the door panel, but there was no reply and they didn't try again that evening. Anyway, it was delivered Friday when they tried again--I never heard from them so I don't know how they got into the building finally. It's like, I don't really care what contortions a huge multi-national company has to go through behind the scenes to do the job they've contracted with me to do, if it's difficult or expensive for them or whatever. Your individual contractors are not going to save you money in the end, if they can't get stuff delivered and you have to refund people and lose them as customers.

I set up my order Thursday evening and it was delivered mostly without incident on Friday evening. It was a girl who's delivered a few times before, I think. I say "mostly" without incident because she DID have trouble with the door system--she called me from the door, I pushed the button to let her in, but apparently it didn't work. She called me a second time, but someone else let her in right then. So it ended up being fine.

She came so fast! She had my groceries to me within 30min of the notification that she'd started shopping. And it was actually well before the window I had given her, 6-7pm. I was home and everything, so it was fine. If ever I wasn't home, or otherwise not able to receive the groceries right away, when I got the starting notification I would just text the person and say something like, "Just so you know, I won't be available until 6pm to receive the groceries, so don't rush to get done." I've never had to do that before, because I always set delivery for an evening when I'm not doing anything else, just in case something odd happens. But, if people have tighter schedules, remember there IS another person on the end of the phone and they can be communicated with and adjust, especially if they are the ones who are running ahead.

I set up my grocery delivery Thursday, to be delivered Friday. No problems. The shopper called up from the door and I let her in, and she came right to my door. She had a special insulated zip box that held like 5 bags of groceries, so she was a professional! It was so smooth that I almost forgot it had even happened. I woke up in the early hours of Sunday morning going, "Wait, did I get my groceries yet? When was that?"

They were out of my Lactaid cottage cheese again, except... they weren't. I had added the item directly from the store website, and the shopper texted me to say they didn't have the kind I wanted, but they had 4% fat Lactaid cottage cheese. I was surprised, because I didn't think Lactaid had any variations in its cottage cheese, or that any other company had lactose-free. But I said, "As long as it's lactose-free, get it." Then when she brought it to me... it was the exact same thing I wanted, which my dad had found at a different store for me earlier in the week. It's always been 4% fat. The product itself and the packaging haven't changed at all, but maybe the store and/or Instacart is describing it differently now, and that confuses people? There was something I used to get where the packaging changed and the picture on the store site was the old one, and that threw off shoppers a couple of times--they're looking for a blue bag but now it's purple, and they have to know to take a chance and scan the purple bag to see if it rings up as the thing they're looking for. So maybe this is some other kind of disconnect between the store site and reality.

I do think it's important to be patient and kind. It's just so hard when you need to get something concrete accomplished. At the same time, getting impatient or sharp doesn't usually help anything--it's not that the person could focus but isn't, they really can't focus often, so turning negative usually only makes things worse. I think one has to be a little more strategic about how to use the time effectively, if you need to accomplish something.

For example, my parents went to see my grandma today. One of the things my mom needed to accomplish was learning the dates of my grandma's next medical appointments that my mom would take her to. My mom, not very strategically, asked my grandma for the address of the doctor--and of course that led to a big thing where my grandma had to get up and go to the other end of the house (a long, slow process for her) and dig around in her desk for the card, and get distracted by everything else she pulled out. And I'm like, "Mom, anything like that, that you could easily get from some other source, don't even ask her. It's just going to be a big distraction." I'm sure in the moment it's hard to think that through, but I'm used to dealing with my boss, who doesn't have dementia but is easily distracted, and you just NEVER ask her anything factual that you could look up yourself, because the time you end up spending watching her search for it just isn't worth it. It's one thing to be respectful and deferential and actively get Grandma's okay to take her to the appointment rather than just deciding you will, but you don't need her buy-in to look up the address of the place she's already agreed you can take her to!

Anyway, my mom said Grandma was good most of the time, but really bad with dates and bills. Grandma was claiming that her next doctor appointment was just a consultation, so her home helpers could take her, but her logic was pretty dubious (I was like, "It sounds like it's time to stop relying on her logic and memory, and just check with the source yourself"), so my mom got her okay to call the doctor and double-check. And they said, nope, it's the outpatient surgery appointment! And there's stuff she needs to do/take/bring with her. Grandma claimed she had filled out all their paperwork and sent it in already, which she must have or they would have mentioned that on the phone, but my mom never saw it--presumably that included the prep instructions. And there should be a copy Grandma got to keep, but who knows where that is.

She was several months behind paying the home helpers--bless them, they must be used to that, and don't get mad or even charge interest. She had told my mom several times in the past that she had mailed in checks but she obviously hadn't. And then she randomly sent them a check for a very small amount. She would check with my mom--"Should I pay this?"--and my mom would say yes, and then it would never get done. I suggested that, especially since Grandma had started admitting she gets confused, it's probably time to be more proactive about her bills, instead of just waiting for her to ask for help. I think my mom just really doesn't know what the right, respectful, and welcomed thing to do in this situation is--and those three things might be mutually exclusive, like, the right thing to do, Grandma may not like! And I also think there's a sense that my mom doesn't want to get even more deeply involved--like, she doesn't want to be THE ONE in charge of everything, because that will just give other people an excuse to pull away even further and dump more on her. Like, my local uncle--who is a financial adviser!--should be the one handling money and bills for Grandma. But they tend to get into an argument every time they're together. Even if the bills were sent directly to him and he paid them and she never saw them, she would find a way to complain and disrespect him regarding them.

She was also getting people mixed up in stories, which she's done for years, but this is new stories. I talked to her last night, and I have a cousin, Jake, who (according to her) calls fairly often. She was telling me that Jake is really shy and wishes he could meet more people, but he feels intimidated trying to talk to them (girls, I mean). So my mom started out saying, "Yeah, she was getting people mixed up. She said that both you and Jake called her last night--" and I was like, "Did she tell you *I'm* shy and have trouble talking to people, but wish I could meet more people? Because that's not me, that's Jake." And my mom was like, "Yeah, that's what she said, that it was you. And I figured it wasn't but I just didn't say anything." So now everyone Grandma talks to is going to "learn" that I'm shy and lonely, which I'm actually kind of offended about just because I find that stereotype so offensive--like the assumption is that of course everyone wants a lot of friends/significant other and is lonely if they don't have one (which I don't). Jake may very well be alone and lonely, but I am alone and very much NOT lonely.

I assume she'll be changing the story to be heteronormative, though, and not say that *I* have trouble talking to (other) girls I find attractive! Although THAT twist would be pretty hilarious. The story would be worth it if she did that! But she was telling me how funny she thought it was, with Jake, because she always thought of men as being more outgoing and assertive, and it was the women who were shy (she's very, very, almost to the point of caricature, set in traditional gender roles). So she'll have to twist the story around a fair bit to make ME the shy and lonely one--only appropriate for a girl, I suppose. ::eyeroll::

She also thanked me directly for sending her the coffee. I told her it was my mom who did the whole thing, and Grandma said that when she had mentioned it to my mom, my mom claimed she didn't know a thing about it! So we are both giving up and just calling it a joint effort between the two of us. It's not a big deal, it's just funny how she keeps getting mixed up on this. While she was digging around in her desk, my mom found the gift receipts that come with Amazon boxes, and they all clearly said they were from my mom. My grandma can't SEE that, but she would have had someone read it to her. I think she just wants to believe what she likes best.

I am a little worried about this outpatient surgery which is taking place next week. My mom didn't know if it was full anesthesia or just "twilight," but that still seems pretty serious to put a 90-year-old through. I guess they are medical professionals and wouldn't do it if they had another choice. I just remember that a couple years ago a doctor refused to give her hip surgery because he didn't think it was worth putting her through it--like, too dangerous/complicated. This is something much smaller, but any kind of strong anesthesia can be dangerous. I also remember the last time I had surgery, they were constantly asking me my name and what I was there for, to check my mental state, and Grandma could easily say at some point that she isn't quite sure, and they might be obligated to call the surgery off. Which wouldn't be the worst thing, they would just reschedule and try again, but it just seems like a bad idea all around.

I set up my grocery order Thursday to be delivered Friday. Once again, no problems. It was the girl I had a couple of weeks ago, I think. She said, "I've delivered to you before!" and I was like, "I'm so glad you were able to work the door! A lot of people have trouble with it." (She called up from the panel by the door correctly and I let her in.) She said sometimes she gets it to work and sometimes she doesn't.

For the third week in a row, they were out of my lactose-free cottage cheese! My dad brought me some from another store chain. I wonder what the deal is? If they don't have it next week I will try to get my shopper to mention it to an employee. A month is a long time to be without a product they've always carried in the past!

You know, as I'm thinking about it, I am wondering if I misinterpreted what my grandma said about the coffee. Conversations with her are never straightforward; I think she's more of an indirect communicator. She never said something like, "Thanks for the coffee, Lynn" but also nothing like, "Your mom was so great to send the coffee." Everything I recall her saying to me fits into a scenario where she tells my mom she needs coffee, my mom tells me, and I order it--which would make her comments to my mom much more understandable. Of course, everything she said also fits into a scenario where she tells my mom she needs coffee and my mom orders it for her (which is what actually happened). Basically I don't think she ever used the word "thanks," it was more just talking excitedly about the coffee and how hard it is to find what she likes and so forth. So it could easily have been her thanking me, OR her just sharing her delight at something nice that happened to her. I interpreted it as the latter, but it seems like she meant the former.

Not a big deal, but since my mom seemed so worried about it, I will try to remember to mention this to her. The part Grandma got really wrong was claiming the order paperwork said it was "from Lynn," but you can see how if she assumed that going in, it would be easy to make the paperwork (which she can't see anyway) conform to her reality. (I just paid my credit card bill and there was no giant coffee charge from Amazon, like if my mom accidentally ordered from my account or something.) It's just funny because she told my mom she "thanked me and thanked me," and I never said I didn't send it, thus confirming what she thought--well, actually, she just talked about how much she liked it, without ever ascribing it to a particular person, EXCEPT my mom whom she mentioned at least twice. So I was thinking she knew it was all my mom and was just happy, and SHE was thinking both me and my mom were involved in it (and then tipping the balance more towards me, apparently--maybe she thought I paid for it as well, or that the actual ordering was very difficult and thus I should get the lion's share of credit).