Polite Paradise

In Ontario, if you are on municipally supplied tap water, it is probably just about the safest water going, after the tragedy in Walkerton in 2000.  I grew up on well water from a drilled well, which is also a secure source.  You can get it tested for bacteria up to 4 times a year with your local health unit.  So I drink tap water pretty much exclusively, usually carrying my own water bottles when I'm out and about.

If I'm travelling, I'll ask my hosts if the tap water is good or if I'm going to be m/hotelling it, I'll do a little research ahead of time to see what the tap water is like.  There are a couple of places - in North America - where I chose not to drink the tap water because of my research.

If she's like my Dad, she's not lying; she is just confused.  My Dad tells these fanciful stories as if they actually happened and they didn't.  It part of the disease.  I read some excerpts from Jann Arden's book.  Both her parents developed dementia and she actually looked after her mother.  Mom would have these fantastical delusions and at first, Jann would try to tell her what was really going on and her mom would get upset.  She started just playing along and things were just so much easier.  As long as Mom wasn't going to do anything to harm herself, of course. 

I've started doing the same thing with my Dad.  He came out with some story that didn't show my FIL in the best light, fortunately just to me, just before his funeral.  Dad was going to be coming to the service and the luncheon afterwards so I just said, 'Well, we aren't going to tell that story tomorrow.'  And that was the end of it.  I didn't try to talk him out of it.

I'm pushing forward to get more help.  The company we pay is now coming in 5 days a week for 3 hours at a time.  I have a meeting next week with the co-ordinator for the funded assistance to see if we can get some more help in that will take some burden off of me.  And to start the ball rolling for a nursing home.  The waitlists are horrendously long and he doesn't qualify yet but should there be a crisis, either his or mine, he moves to the top of the list.  So having the paperwork done ahead makes things easier.  The only issue is deciding where he is going to be - I'd like him to be relatively near me so I can visit 2-3 times a week.  My brother wants him to be about half way between us, which means I'm only going to be able to visit once a week.  And it will be harder for me to take him out for the day, where if he was local, I could do that relatively frequently.  So that's going to be a bit of a fight, I think.  It will also depend on where he gets in, too, mind you, because you don't often get a lot of choice in the matter.  You have to take the slot that comes up.

Poesie, you have brought up some good points.

Now I'm wondering if it is better to get an extra hour every two weeks to do some extra things or to go to weekly visits, if she has the availability, and drop down to 3 hours.  One week, do a complete basic clean, the next, do the toilets, vacuuming and a mop job and then spend the rest of the time on a deeper clean in one area.

I definitely need to make a list of the basics every visit and the extras I want done - things like cleaning light fixtures and moving smaller furniture to get rid of the dust bears (because they are far larger than bunnies) in behind.  And windows.

She has already told me in the past that she doesn't do fridges or ovens, which I'm OK with.  Yes, I would like to have those done, too, but I can live with it.  She told me that those were the jobs she saved for her kids when they were in trouble or they wanted extra money.  LOL

I've had a woman I play ball with clean my house for the last year and a half.  Initially, I was very pleased but lately, I've been noticing things that are bugging me.  They would be 'extras' with just about all house cleaners, I would think, though there are a couple things that I would think would be standard.  I pay her a flat hourly rate and as far as I know, she is here the whole time she is supposed to be.  She also checks on my Dad and makes sure he has his lunch, though I now have some help coming in so she doesn't have to do that.

I'm not anxious to change cleaners; she's reasonable, I trust her and I don't have the time or the energy to keep the place clean myself.  My husband is concerned that if I say something, she might quit.  And having the basics done does take that off my plate.

So here is my idea:  I'm thinking about asking her if she has some extra time on my cleaning day.  If she does, ask her for another hour each visit to pick a room and deep clean it.  Move the furniture, climb up and clean the light fixtures, wipe down the walls with a dust mop and get down any cobwebs, steam clean furniture and/or carpets, that kind of thing.  She would rotate through all the rooms over a number of visits.  Yes, it will cost me a little more but this way, some of the things that are bugging me will be done.

Does this seem like an OK way to handle it?

Had a chat with my Dad's doc this afternoon, in preparation for Dad's appointment with him tomorrow.  Turns out, Dad has already had a dementia assessment done and scored 17 out of 30.  Which means he was considered to have moderate dementia 2 years ago!  I wasn't aware he'd actually been scored.

We're getting to the point that we need to get him on a list for a nursing home.  The waitlists are long so he might not even make it that far but we definitely need to start the process. So that will be part of the discussion tomorrow.

I got frustrated with him this morning; he got mad at me, saying I hadn't done something that he needed in order for him to do what I was frustrated about.  I had an 'Oh crap' moment in my head and managed to calm down and we got it done together.  I really need to work on controlling my frustration.

I've said all along:  it's like having a toddler, only slower moving.

I wish my Dad would assert a little independence.  I'll ask him if he'd like X or Y and he tells me that he doesn't care; I know what he likes.  Or ask him if he'd like to do A or B and he says he'll do whatever I tell him to do.

I was taking a required computer programming course in a dead language that I knew was going to be no use to me at all.  I wanted to make sure I got a decent grade but I didn't want to spend a huge amount of time on it, unlike my friend.  One assignment was worth 10% of our grade.  If you could make the program do what it needed to do and make it look somewhat like what they wanted it to look like, you could score an 8.  If you made it exactly like what it was supposed to look like, you got a 10.  So I put in the time I needed to get my 8.  Friend spent at least double, probably more like triple the time I did and got his 10.  It just wasn't worth it to me to take that extra time and make it perfect.  Ended up with a decent grade and made the Dean's list that semester because I got decent grades in all my courses.  And while I don't know for sure, I'm pretty sure my grade was equal or better to friend's, based on a comment his brother made to me.

Learning how to prioritize your work and concentrate on the areas where you need to is a very valuable skill to have, both in post secondary education and for most jobs.  Not doing that particular class's homework may give student more time in a class they are finding difficult.  Or time to participate in an extracurricular or two.  Or even just time to hang out and be a teenager.  Student should be encouraged for making it work for her; I don't think it is disrespectful at all not to do homework, as long as you are grasping the material.

Did a bunch of loads of laundry and folded what got washed yesterday.  Unpacked, reloaded and ran the dishwasher twice.  Made pastry and got the fillings made for beef and turkey pot pies.  Then remembered there was some leftover pork in the fridge, too, so I made that into pot pie filling.  Got one pie made and in the oven for supper, with a salad and invited MIL.  Usually when I've been inviting her, it's been for a bigger meal but now, with FIL gone, we'll invite her at least once a week for whatever.  Sometimes, she'll get a roast, sometimes it will be pot pie and occasionally, it might even be leftovers.  She just appreciates the company and not having to cook.

I'm going to make a few single serving pies for her freezer that she can just pop in the oven for dinner.

Off to work tomorrow for a rest!  But I do have to get a report written tomorrow, and another one by the end of the week.  Plus make the corrections to one and get the draft out to the client for review.  Then I have three more, smaller ones to do by the end of the month!  Gulp.  Hope I make it.

Tomorrow evening at home, homemade pizza for dinner and rolling some pot pies.