Polite Paradise

It's definitely not a Jewish thing.  I'm Jewish and have been to many Jewish weddings (including my own!) and they generally run on time, or at least within a few minutes. Just like every other wedding, regardless of religion or lack thereof that I've been to.

I just don't get why anyone would deliberately do this to their guests but it sounds like it was deliberate and I don't think there's going to be any explanation or apology forthcoming.

There was no apology or explanation, which is part of what has me still bothered by this.

This was a Pagan/Jewish wedding. They had the kuppa and the glass breaking and Hebrew prayers, but they also had a handfasting and other Pagan traditions. Part of me really wants to reach out to my Pagan and Jewish friends on Facebook and ask if this setting the time an hour before the actual ceremony is a Pagan thing or a Jewish thing. But I'm afraid that, no matter how tightly I lock down the post to only those specific people, word will get back to the bride or groom. There is lots of overlap in our various communities. And I definitely don't want to ask or complain to the HC directly.

I overheard a couple of the other earlybird guests speculating that the time was given as an hour early because the groom is one of those chronically late people and this was a way to ensure he got there on time. I doubt that is the case, though, as the HC spent the entire day at the venue -- bride posted about the breakfast she had there.

There were quite a few of us -- I'd say 25 or 30 -- who arrived before 3:30. I was looking at the bride's Facebook this morning and someone had asked her about the timing, and she told them the ceremony would start at 4:30. I guess whoever saw that came later. We didn't.

Here's an article https://adgcommunications.com/association-buzz/22-conflicts-of-interest-and-the-60-minutes-test on conflict of interest. It's directed at trade associations and similar nonprofit organizations but could apply to religious organizations as well. Basically it says that awarding a job or contract or whatever to a "connected" person or company is not necessarily a conflict of interest if (a) the person or company is the best qualified, (b) there is a paper trail proving this and (c) the individual who stands to benefit (e.g., the awardee's relative) recuses him/herself from voting on the decision.

As for announcing the reasons for a person's firing in public as was done with Carla, that's just all kinds of wrong. If they were arrested/convicted for a criminal act, that's public record, and the congregation has a right to know if Carla was embezzling church funds or molesting kids or other illegal behavior. But that isn't the case here. Word would probably have gotten out about why Carla was fired, because people talk, but the official public announcement thing ... just no.

I think if I worked at it, I could contact Instacart. I called them once before when my shopper completely disappeared. But I don't know that I would do it for something lesser.

This week I ordered my groceries on Thursday evening again, and they were delivered Friday evening (today). The shopper came to my door without having to call me. So, no problems there, full tip and all. I was mildly irritated because I put my delivery window as 6-7pm, and she started shopping shortly after 5pm (I wasn't even home yet) and delivered to me shortly after 5:30pm. I was home, but had just started eating dinner, which I'm usually done with by the time they arrive. But, it wasn't enough of a problem for me to mention it. If I ever thought it would be--like, sometimes I stop and get takeout for dinner on the way home, and some of the restaurants can be very slow--when I got the notification she had started shopping, I would just text back something like, "FYI, I'm not home yet, and may not be until 6pm." Adjust your shopping accordingly. But it was nice to have it over and done with, so I could then enjoy my dinner without keeping an eye on my phone.

So that's something important to note if you use the service. You can specify a delivery window, but they might start shopping at what seems an early time to you--but you can then contact them and tell them you won't be ready until the stated time. I usually get home around 5:15pm, so I would never set the window for 5-6pm, as they might arrive before I do (although it would be easy to let them in if they were waiting there!). I set the window for 6-7pm and have had deliveries at all times within that, from barely after 6pm until almost 7pm--if they are going to be later than 7pm, they are supposed to let me know. Sometimes I get a notice saying things have been delayed and it will be more like 7:45pm before I get my delivery. It's not common but also not unheard-of. I think tonight was the earliest I have ever received my groceries (5:30pm) but one other time I recall was maybe just before 6pm.

The point being that it would be less stressful to plan the delivery when you're going to be at home and free for the evening, in case they are early or late. It would be more trouble for you, really, if you had a really tight schedule that day--like if you were only going to be home between 6pm and 7pm. I don't think you would be out money, as if the delivery will be outside the window you specified, that's their fault and they should take the hit for it. But it would be a pain to call and arrange a refund and then delivery on a different day. You might not be out extra money, but if you were counting on having your stuff that day, now you don't.

On a different but related topic, twice now I have been irritated at UPS for not delivering my packages. They don't have any trouble with the building door; they get inside and all the way up to my apartment door, where they leave a sticky note saying they tried to deliver but I wasn't home. Of course I wasn't home, I work 9-5 and they came in the middle of the afternoon. These packages are not anything special that should require a signature. Their preferred response is to then deliver them to a "UPS Access Point" "near my house" but actually many blocks away. Fortunately, both times I have gotten on their website in time and told them to deliver it to my home again, adding personalized instructions to just leave it in the mail room or at my door (which they did).

I thought that as a Plan B, I could have my dad swing by the Access Point and get my package for me, which he would enjoy doing, but then I got to thinking, would he need the sticky note they left? Would they give the package to someone whose name wasn't on it? Their wording wasn't very clear. The idea would be that I ask him (like over the phone) to pick up this package on his way from his town to mine, so there wouldn't be an opportunity for him to get the sticky note first. And of course if they would only give the package to ME, that rather defeats the point of him getting it FOR me. He could drive me over there but that would not be my preferred way to spend my time. What I read about the Access Point didn't clearly say, only that you had to present an ID to get the package--not that the ID had to MATCH the name on the package. We have the same last name but it's a pretty common one, so I don't know if that would be enough. I mean, I'm glad if they don't give my package out to just anyone, but I would like a way to remotely okay him.