Polite Paradise

But you are right that it can be a responsibility.  My mother also gave her own original engagement ring diamond to my son to give to his bride, which he did.  Now she is his ex-wife; we are hoping she will return the stone to my mother after a little more time has passed.  It's not her legal obligation, of course, but that's what I think most people would do.  She isn't impoverished and there wasn't any abuse or cheating or anything, they just weren't happy together.

Yes, this is what I mean. It's still thought of as "mom's diamond" or "the family diamond" not the ex-wife's. If the ring was brand new, nobody would think or hope it gets returned.

This reminds me of how funny my daughter and son-in-law were when they got engaged.  They live overseas and were visiting here.  They were engaged as far as I was concerned -- they knew they were going to get married and even when; they were doing vendor research on that visit.  And I believe they had even ordered a setting for the ring.  But of course there had to be an Official Proposal!  And the ring wouldn't be ready before they left.  So they made a reservation at a fancy restaurant, and I took my son-in-law to Target to buy the least expensive "diamond" ring we could find -- I think it cost $8 -- and he "proposed" with that.  It was all kind of silly, but it didn't hurt anyone and they had fun.

That's really cute. Did she keep the Target ring? I would!

If the guy made a good-faith attempt at buying a ring he thought his fiancee would like--I'm not sure if we can really say; spending only $15 and refusing her suggestion that they shop together makes me wonder--then honestly I would probably keep it. But, I'm not a big jewelry-wearing person. If it was too big or awkward to wear on my hand, I could put it on a necklace chain, or only wear it for special occasions when getting "dressed up."

Most of the time I see women wanting to be "surprised with the perfect thing" and mad when the guy can't read their mind.  It's totally normal to go to a jewelry store and pick out several things, then one person leaves while the other makes the final decision--the stores do that all the time. Or, if one person can send the other pictures of what they want, the buyer could show them to a salesperson and get advice (probably better at a dedicated jewelry store). Or even shopping and picking it out together, or both parties being involved in designing something custom. If the style really matters to you, because you often wear jewelry and you have a style, then frickin' give serious input. (Like I would never let someone else choose my wedding dress, because I have a certain style of clothing I'm comfortable with, and odds are they would not pick out something I'd be comfortable wearing even for a few hours.)

Or else, take the gift you are offered with good grace, even if it's not "perfect." Again, assuming a good faith attempt. The entire point of an engagement ring is to be symbolic--your future spouse isn't going to be perfect, either, but you take them anyway.

I would love to get an update on this! Did she ever figure out how to broach it with her fiance? Was he upset? Did they get a new ring? WHAT HAPPENED NEXT I'M INVESTED, DARNITALL!!!!

Wish we could sometimes click two ratings symbols.  I did think your comment was funny and marked it so, but I also agree, so I'd have also liked to have given it a check mark "I agree" one.  I'd like to know how it turned out too!   

My husband and I picked out an engagement ring together. I just have a simple silver band, but it works well with the ring he made me (we took a silversmith course and made each other's wedding bands - his is hammered silver, and mine has a silver press design). On our first wedding anniversary, he got me a ring to match my engagement band - I currently wear all three rings, and I get a ton of compliments on them.

I would be close enough to a man I said "yes" to marrying that I could also say "Are you serious with this?" when confronted with that thing. And $15??? I'm not asking for the 3 months salary nonsense but really, come on.