The story just leaves me with so many questions. I really want to know what the bride and groom think about this! There's no hint of this in the letter. When the writer says the planning has been "contentious" so far, what does that mean? His daughter has been complaining to him about her future in-laws being pushy? Or have the groom's parents actually confronted the bride's parents?
The father of the bride/letter writer definitely hints that the groom's parents want to plan the whole wedding, but I wonder what that really means--if they just want "large, formal" or if they are actually picking out the napkins and chair-bows they want used.
How far has planning actually progressed? He said he wanted to limit his financial input before things got too far along, but it sounds like there has been a fair amount of discussion so far. I know some people like to speculate and daydream a lot before committing to anything, while others are like, "Action plan, boom, done."
Also, I think it's interesting that it's only the father of the bride writing in, though it sounds like he's married to the bride's mother still. Not that a man shouldn't be interested in wedding plans, but I wonder why it wasn't phrased as being from BOTH the bride's parents? Is this only something the husband is worried about, for some reason? The situation should apply equally to both of the parents. Just makes me wonder if his wife has a different opinion or something.
Also, the guy obviously hasn't lived with the expectation he'll one day be paying for his daughter's wedding--like, he hasn't been setting aside money for it for years. Yet, he doesn't seem to be surprised by the idea that he SHOULD pay for it, he just says he can't afford it. I wonder if the daughter is his only child, or perhaps oldest, so they've never been in this situation before? It's kind of lightly implied by the letter but not really stated.
I was involved in a former friend's wedding planning--she was the older daughter and the first to get married, and she wanted a big white wedding with all the extended family. Her in-laws contributed a little, and she and her fiance contributed a little, but the vast majority was contributed by her parents. $30,000 (half again as much as our salaries at the time) had been budgeted, but I was there when it was realized that they hadn't communicated clearly about the costs and more would be needed, and her mom was like, "Don't worry, we'll just pay the bills as they come in." Fast-forward a couple years and their younger daughter was getting married. In an effort to be equitable, they decided to offer her, as a lump sum, the same amount they had spent on the older daughter's wedding. The younger daughter promptly decided to have a smaller, cheaper wedding and put the excess towards a house. The older sister was pretty mad about that and thought it was unfair (she would have liked her wedding paid for and part of a house payment, if that had been an option), but my goodness, that's just one of those situations where there's no way to be "fair" and make everyone happy, you know?