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Author Topic: Did this bride really "host" a wedding?  (Read 836 times)

Offline Hotblack Desiato

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Re: Did this bride really "host" a wedding?
« Reply #15 on: July 10, 2018, 03:29:50 am »
Quote from: Lynn2000 on July 09, 2018, 04:27:51 pm
I think it's common in England to have a nice dinner for a subset of the invited guests, and then invite everyone out to dancing afterwards, isn't it? I might be remembering it wrong. It sounds the like wedding couple here might have been going for that model--nice full meal for a few (family luncheon, I guess), partying for everyone.

Of course, it isn't a common model in the US. Also, I don't know if in England it's common to just say, "Meet us here, pay your own way," or if the couple would usually pay the cover charge for everyone at the bar instead.


In my experience in the UK, the way it often works is that a certain set of people are invited to the ceremony and to a sit down meal, where all the speeches etc happen. Then, later in the evening, additional guests are invited and there is usually a buffet for food, a bar and dancing. You can have the whole thing at one venue, or if its a church wedding, church for the ceremony, and then say, a stately home or golf club or similar for the reception - the latter is usually the location for both the sit down meal and the dancing and buffet later - it would be rare for there to be a third venue. Both the meal and the buffet are usually catered for in the budget - I've never heard of anyone charging for those, and usually wine for the table is included for the first meal. Sometimes the bar is also paid for, but more usually, it is a cash bar (yes I know that is contentious, but it is honestly the norm in my experience). I suppose this is 'A' list and 'B' list, but its always really clear which you are invited to, and I've never had an issue with only being invited to the evening part - just happy to go to the party!
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Offline ginger aka Gellchom

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Re: Did this bride really "host" a wedding?
« Reply #16 on: July 11, 2018, 01:41:25 pm »
Quote from: Lynn2000 on July 09, 2018, 04:27:51 pm
I'd like to get some clarification on the A-list/B-list situation. I thought that was if you made it really obvious--like at the reception, the head table gets lobster and everyone else gets a cheap cut of meat. Or champagne for special people, cheap beer for everyone else. So it's all happening in front of everyone else. But if you invite everyone who attended the ceremony to a cake-and-punch reception immediately afterwards, and then have a nice dinner after that with just family (even if that's 50 people), I was under the impression that was okay. Different people are invited to different events, and it's not rubbed in anyone's face that they aren't getting to do X or Y.

That's right.  And there isn't a crystal clear line.  The farther apart the numbers are, the better -- i.e., cake and punch for 200 and lunch for 10 is fine; cake and punch for 52 and lunch for 50 is really rude.  As to everything in between, there's no ratio that's the official etiquette cutoff.  You'd have to go with your gut test.  If you find yourself justifying your plans to yourself or others, you're probably a bit on the wrong side of the line.

A separation in time and certainly venue helps with the "as long as you don't rub it in anyone's face" part.  Obviously, it would be rude to have tables at the same venue as the ceremony set for a meal that everyone can see but that only some of the guests are invited to, and everyone else has to clear out.  A morning ceremony and an evening reception helps, too, but that annoys a lot of people in the US (I understand it's common in the UK).
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Offline Tisiphone

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Re: Did this bride really "host" a wedding?
« Reply #17 on: July 12, 2018, 01:23:35 am »
A while back, a co-worker got married and he invited his co-workers to the reception after dinner was served. I thought nothing of it. The invitation said nothing about food, so I assumed there wasn't going to be any. There was music and dancing and a good time was had by all. No complaints here.

Weddings, it seems to me, tends to bring out all the quests for offense more than anything else does.
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