Polite Paradise

I thought, how bad could it be?  And then ...

It does look like a mood ring or something out of a gumball machine.

I hope she can find a way to be kind about it.  Even if she loved it, it's not really a good ring to wear everyday.

Oh that is *bad*.

On another note, the comment section was actually refreshing on this one. I usually don't read the comments on anything wedding related because of the "if you hate the ring your fiance chose, you're shallow and materialistic and you clearly don't love him" or "if you spend more than $50 on your wedding you don't even care about being married" crowd. These ones were pretty good for the most part, if a little harsh (a couple said they would dump the fiance who chose that ring and I think that's a bit much). 

Ouch!

If he has a sister maybe she could show the sister the ring. Then hope the sister senses her real feelings about it. Or maybe, you know, if it is a cheap ring--and it certainly appears to be--she could wash dishes. A lot of dishes. And get it banged up and very, very dull.

Oooooo boy. That ring is...something else.

I'm not sure how I would go about broaching this topic with the fiance. Focusing on the practicality of the ring would probably be a good place to start. I'm also really curious as to the guy's thought process in choosing that ring, which could be another potential way to bring it up. "Honey, I'm really curious- this ring isn't anything like any of my other jewelry, and its definitely not the kind of thing I usually wear. What made you choose this one?"

I did actually turn to Damocles just now and ask him how he would want me to broach this subject with him, if we'd been in this situation. He just shrugged and said "I don't know." WOW HONEY, THAT IS SO HELPFUL, THANK YOU FOR YOUR INSIGHT.

You know how the first thing your friends do when they announce they're engaged and show off the ring--what do you say.."oh isn't that..interesting." It reminded me of the Seinfeld episode with the ugly baby.

I'm not sure how I would go about broaching this topic with the fiance. Focusing on the practicality of the ring would probably be a good place to start. I'm also really curious as to the guy's thought process in choosing that ring, which could be another potential way to bring it up. "Honey, I'm really curious- this ring isn't anything like any of my other jewelry, and its definitely not the kind of thing I usually wear. What made you choose this one?"

I did that with my husband once. He'd gotten me some earrings for Christmas, and they were just... not me. Large silver hoops with a large blue crystal'ish bead. Far too big compared to what I usually wear, and I really didn't care much for them. On our way home in the car, I asked him what made him choose those earrings. "Well, I was looking at earrings at the jeweler, and I saw those and they made me think of you. The beads were really pretty, and you wear blue dresses so often, so I thought they would look good on you."

Well! I still don't like the earrings much, but after hearing that explanation I wear them with joy. I love that he actually put thought into which ones to get, and tried to pick something he thought I'd like rather than just get a random pair (even if he got it partly wrong.... I'd probably have liked them a lot more if they had been about half the size). It's not only the thought that matters, but it does help.

(Granted, I might be less generous if it was something I was expected to wear on a daily basis. These earrings are much too big and flashy for every-day use).

Well, the ring is unique as an engagement ring, but the overall style and size don't convey "special" to me. Not that it has to cost an arm and a leg to feel special, but this looks too much like trendy jewelry that younger women wear, that doesn't necessarily have the ability to 'mature' with the woman. There is a tremendous amount of beautiful, special, and unique options somewhere between a diamond in a pink halo setting and this amber heart.

I personally think it is odd nowadays that some of these traditions still exist, like a man picking out a ring without the woman. It sounds like earlier generations, where a man proposes and a woman accepts, rather than them jointly embarking on a future together and making decisions together. If you want to honor the tradition of wearing a ring, can't you pick it out together?

She should gently let him know that this isn't her taste. It won't be the first time in their life together that they just didn't see eye-to-eye on something and they need to communicate their way through it.

Personally, I wish I had gone with something more unique. And these days I'm inclined to make a more socially-conscious choice rather than a mined diamond. I'm considering a slight change (still very traditional) to my ring-- I'd love a canary yellow lab-created diamond.