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Author Topic: Plus one- yes or no?  (Read 414 times)

Offline whiterose

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Plus one- yes or no?
« on: October 15, 2018, 08:32:53 am »
Greta and Lars are getting married.

Greta's best friend Daphne will be the maid of honor.

It will be a very small wedding with only close family plus Daphne attending. Daphne is like a big sister to Greta. They have been friends for over 20 years. So Daphne counts as family in this case.

Greta has realized that Daphne will be the only single and unattached adult at the wedding. Everyone else will be coming with their spouse.

Does Daphne get a "plus one"? Should she? Is it necessary?

Budget-wise, it is not an issue for Greta and Lars to have another guest at the wedding.

Transportation-wise, it could be, since Daphne lives in a city two hours away from where the wedding will take place. 

If Daphne were to bring a plus one, do Greta and Lars have to pay for their lodging and other meals?
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Offline Zizi-K

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Re: Plus one- yes or no?
« Reply #1 on: October 15, 2018, 09:13:38 am »
I would definitely invite Daphne with a plus-one. She may or may not utilize it. It may not be "necessary" but I think it shows respect to Daphne as an adult who may in fact be in a relationship (even if her friends don't know about it yet). As for food and lodging, is the couple paying for those things for all guests? Presumably Daphne's plus-one would share her room, and if they are paying for all meals for all guests, then I'm thinking one more person would likely not break the bank. It would be super awkward for them to pay for everyone but the plus-one.
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Offline STiG

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Re: Plus one- yes or no?
« Reply #2 on: October 15, 2018, 09:28:23 am »
Greta should speak directly to Daphne and let her know that she is welcome to bring a plus one, if she wishes.  If Daphne knows the guest list and knows she is the only single, Greta could even phrase it that way.  The plus one should be treated like any other guest in terms of accommodation and meals.  Because Daphne is in the wedding party, her costs may be covered by Greta and Lars but if other guest's costs aren't being covered, then Plus One's costs don't need to be, either.
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Offline Lynn2000

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Re: Plus one- yes or no?
« Reply #3 on: October 15, 2018, 10:51:22 am »
With such a small wedding, and Daphne being the only person the bride has a question about and her being so close to the bride, I would just ask Daphne directly if she plans to bring someone with her. So, essentially, yes, giving her a plus-one, but in a more personal way than just stating it on her invitation with no discussion. Presumably Daphne doesn't have a serious significant other (as she would have told the bride by now), but who knows, it's nice to let her make that decision.

Is the couple worried that Daphne will abuse this privilege somehow, like bring a poorly-behaved flavor-of-the-month to an intimate wedding, or a buddy just looking for free food? It doesn't sound like the kind of occasion that would attract a party animal/wedding crasher type.

As for whether the bride and groom should pay for Daphne's hypothetical guest--I would treat them the same as other similar guests. If the couple are paying for all the other guests, Daphne's friend should be paid for as well, because it would be weird to have literally one person in the whole group treated differently (even if one could make a legit distinction in their status). If there are other cases where the couple are not paying for a particular guest, Daphne's friend might fall into that category.

Why might Daphne's plus-one raise a transportation issue for the couple? Surely the person would just drive with Daphne from the city two hours away. Were the couple planning to buy Daphne a train or plane ticket instead, and wonder if they need to buy the plus-one's as well?
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Offline whiterose

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Re: Plus one- yes or no?
« Reply #4 on: October 15, 2018, 12:43:49 pm »
To clarify a few things:

- The couple is paying for the food at the reception. But the guests pay for their own lodging if necessary. Daphne's plus one would have their meal paid for at the reception, just like everyone else.

- Daphne is not going to be some poorly behaved boor to the wedding. Whether the person she brings would have been met by Greta and/or Lars previously, that part is not so certain.

- Daphne would be welcome to bring anyone she wishes, such as a relative or platonic friend, not just a date that could be a potential romantic partner.

- The ceremony is in the morning. Hence Daphne is likely to need a hotel room for the night before. And thus so would the plus one. The best man is Lars' brother Magnus- who lives only an hour away and thus may not need a hotel room, but would be paying for his own lodging anyway.

To summarize:

- Daphne will be getting the plus one. This person's meal at the reception will be paid for by the bride and groom. Do they have to pay for this person's lodging as well, regardless of whether Daphne pays for her own lodging or not?
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Offline lmnop

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Re: Plus one- yes or no?
« Reply #5 on: October 15, 2018, 12:48:40 pm »
Why would the couple pay for a room for one guest and not the others? I'm afraid I do not understand the dilemma here? And, why wouldn't the plus one stay in Daphne's room?
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guest277

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Re: Plus one- yes or no?
« Reply #6 on: October 15, 2018, 01:43:10 pm »
If they are paying for Daphne's room (or all out-of-town guests), then Daphne and her guest can decide if the guest will share her room. If not, the guest provides his/her own room.

If they are not paying for anybody's room, there isn't a problem to solve.
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Offline whiterose

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Re: Plus one- yes or no?
« Reply #7 on: October 15, 2018, 02:20:42 pm »
Greta and Lars are not paying for anybody else's room.

Hence the question- do they have to pay for lodging for the plus one if Daphne brings one.
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Offline lowspark

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Re: Plus one- yes or no?
« Reply #8 on: October 15, 2018, 02:22:27 pm »
Quote from: kckgirl on October 15, 2018, 01:43:10 pm
If they are paying for Daphne's room (or all out-of-town guests), then Daphne and her guest can decide if the guest will share her room. If not, the guest provides his/her own room.

If they are not paying for anybody's room, there isn't a problem to solve.

This. I would treat Daphne and her guest as a unit, regardless of whether the guest is Daphne's significant other or her relative or her platonic friend. As such, I'd expect them to share the room I'm paying for if indeed I am already paying for a room for Daphne. Outside of that arrangement, Daphne and her +1 can make whatever additional arrangements they deem necessary at their own expense.
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Offline lowspark

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Re: Plus one- yes or no?
« Reply #9 on: October 15, 2018, 02:26:02 pm »
Quote from: whiterose on October 15, 2018, 02:20:42 pm
Greta and Lars are not paying for anybody else's room.

Hence the question- do they have to pay for lodging for the plus one if Daphne brings one.

If everyone, including Daphne, is paying for their own lodging, then I can't even imagine why it would be expected that Greta and Lars would need to pay for the +1's room.

All guests are apparently being treated equally in that food at the reception is paid for and lodging is not. That's pretty normal in my experience. So why would the +1 expect something extra? I'm guessing there is somehow more to this story that we don't know.
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guest121

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Re: Plus one- yes or no?
« Reply #10 on: October 15, 2018, 02:41:21 pm »
Quote from: whiterose on October 15, 2018, 02:20:42 pm
Greta and Lars are not paying for anybody else's room.

Hence the question- do they have to pay for lodging for the plus one if Daphne brings one.

No. They don't.

The reason folks are struggling to give a straight answer is that it's so far outside norms, it doesn't even make sense.

1) They don't *have* to pay for lodging for anyone.

2) All the guests outside the wedding party should be treated equally. So the only way there would possibly be any obligation is if they were paying for everyone's lodging.

3) They aren't, so there is no obligation.

Now, if Daphne would not be able to come without a companion, and if she and/or the companion couldn't afford to come unless they had help paying for lodging, then it would be up to the HC to decide if they are able and willing to do that, because it's so important to them to have Daphne attend.

If they wanted to offer, that would be a generous gesture. It would not create an obligation to pay for everyone else's lodging, too - it's just a private matter between friends.

Does that help?
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Offline whiterose

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Re: Plus one- yes or no?
« Reply #11 on: October 15, 2018, 03:07:24 pm »
It does answer the question.

Daphne will get the Plus One- but Greta and Lars will not pay for their lodging.

Nothing else that has not been revealed is going on.
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Offline lmnop

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Re: Plus one- yes or no?
« Reply #12 on: October 15, 2018, 03:20:01 pm »
Cautiously Optimistic is right. This question doesn't make sense.

Simplifying your question:

I'm getting married. It's a small wedding with a reception. Some people are going to need hotel rooms, some won't. We're not paying for hotel rooms for anyone. Should we pay for a hotel room for this one person?

Of course the answer is no. I'm confused about what the dilemma is?
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Offline Kiwi Cupcake

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Re: Plus one- yes or no?
« Reply #13 on: October 15, 2018, 05:11:04 pm »
I'm confused too.

Why would they pay for the "plus one" when they're not paying for any other guests, including Daphne ???

Quote from: whiterose on October 15, 2018, 02:20:42 pm
Greta and Lars are not paying for anybody else's room.

Hence the question- do they have to pay for lodging for the plus one if Daphne brings one.

So I'm just going to answer this question at face value. No, they do not have to pay for Daphne's guest.
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Offline Crispycritter

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Re: Plus one- yes or no?
« Reply #14 on: October 15, 2018, 09:32:25 pm »
Maybe the dilemma is that Daphne won't have a ride if she doesn't have a plus one to bring her?  If that is the case, and the plus one is actually providing a service then I could see paying for his/her accommodation.  It would be a huge favor to ask for the driver to then have to spend money to do the favor.  That would be worth it imo to not have to worry about a 2 hour each way drive the day of the wedding.  If it were me, I'd pay it if I could afford to! 

My MOH lived 45 minutes away, and I had to drive to get her for the rehearsal and it was a lot (3 hours of driving) of time to spend on that the day before my wedding.  But, she got a plus one that brought her the next day.  Looking back, I should have hired someone else to drive her to and from the rehearsal!  We couldn't afford a rehearsal dinner, so she kindly said that McDonald's drive through was just perfect.  She was a good sport!
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